So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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