I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
