he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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