She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you will always have a special place in my vag
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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