Soap is not a condiment
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
