I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
