And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
