he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
