We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
