Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
