it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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