yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
