so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
