I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
