3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
