Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
