I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
