Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
