Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
