i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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