dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
