i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she smelled like a LAN party
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
