I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
