you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
