So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
