I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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