Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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