I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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