i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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