dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
