He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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