For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my weed a kiss
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am available for nakedness
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize