you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
