After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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