There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
