So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
