hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I want a musical about memes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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