Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
