i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
