??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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