I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
