im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We are all done wearing pants today
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
