so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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