Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
