what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
