i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
