I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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