Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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