So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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