I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
