Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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