Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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