i would punch a child for taco bell
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
