i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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