Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
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Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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