i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
