its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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