so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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