No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
