I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
