She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
