so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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