you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and she was petting her beer can
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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