You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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