I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize