his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
