epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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