I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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