the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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